City Life (acoustic)

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Motorcyle Stunting at its finest

Steve Jobs

“Have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.“ - Steve Jobs

I never knew Steve Jobs, never met him, never really thought about him until he resigned from Apple and they showed a picture of him that day, he looked very gaunt, weak and fragile. In that moment I knew the changing of our world was fast approaching.

In his short 56 years on this earth, he did what he set out to do. He changed it. Forever gone are the days of the barbaric and archaic phone interfaces, the way we interact with one another, communication and the elegance of technology can all be attributed to the idea he had, stuck with and pursued, that things...life in fact could be better and he used his life to enrich our own.

I thought to myself on the way into work, which coincidentally is in Cupertino, CA the Apple headquarters, that there was a time when life was much simpler but less entertaining, communicative and far beyond as connected as we are today. How I really would be the last generation who can remember life before the "I" products and how stark of a contrast life was. I however would never want to go back to the Zack Morris cell phone days as I appreciate where we are today.

This really isnt a tribute to Mr. Jobs, its a tribute to the human spirit and conviction. Its a testament to the unconventional and when you set out to do something, no matter how big or how small you can do it. His ideas that the world could be better and his relentless efforts to make it such, are something that I admire and his quote, to which I found only after his passing, is exactly how I've always lived my life.

I would like to say thank you to all of the innovators of the world, because I truly believe we will not know of your greatness, or at least appreciate it, until you're gone.

And to all of those who continue to fight their intuition, heart and internal compass over what we think should be our path, forcing events that have no place in our timeline, please realize that you can in fact change the world, even if its your own. Don't live your life for someone else and never listen to the nay-sayers. Do you and by following your heart and what you feel as though you need to do, you probably will in fact change the perception of those around you, inspiring them to live higher, better, life for themselves.

If I've learned anything from Mr. Jobs its that failure sometimes is the only option, but with that we learn a tremendous amount about who we are, and who we are supposed to be, IF, you're receptive to it and with that, we can change the world.

life

I'm luckier than most. Days like today help me reflect on yesterday. I've been fortunate enough to live my life how I've wanted, most people can't say that. However, most people haven't lived on both sides of the fence as I have, so as happy as I am and continue to be, it is not without pause of where I used to be. Just saying thank you, you should too.

Moment of clarity

"We are the products of scars, love, broken hearts, and failures. One day you wake up and accept what has passed, take the helm, and take control of what is to be. That is the day you become what you were meant to be."
- Jordan Mitchell

  

I woke up this morning with a great sense of clarity. The kind of clarity that I didn't realize I was searching for, its a moment that's hard to articulate. Its when all of the minds chatter ceases and you finally are in the present moment. The pictures are no longer black and white. Your mind is open, your senses are heightened and most of all you have a sense of direction. Not that this moment solved every problem that you've ever had but you'll know if you've been there.

This moment is different for everyone.

Have you ever truly connected with a person to where, their happiness was essential to your own. A relationship where you put the other persons needs before your own, and everything you did, you did for them, not because you had to but because it just was something you did. I think they call that love. Well if that is the case, when that feeling is no longer present most begin trying to substitute whats missing with whatever vice maybe convenient. For some is sex, for others its booze, drugs, work, friends, family, hobbies etc...

Its the human connection, its that connection they write fairy tales about. Its being so ingrained in the other persons being that without it, its empty and at times you feel lost and you begin searching within anything and everyone, so desperately trying to seek whats no longer. Most times you come up empty and other times you end up throwing in the towel, often migrating to what was once familiar.

The problem with this is that most of us who go through this process, never are what we once were or perhaps afraid of trying again. My friend Steve gave me this analogy, if every day you walk through a door and every time you walk through said door you get punched. Then all of a sudden, one day you walk through the door and you don't get punched, but you flinch because that's naturally your defense mechanism trying to protect itself. The same thing happens the next day and for many days thereafter, you walk thru the door and you don't get punched but you continue to flinch even if you know that there's a great chance you wont get punched. 

Now think about that in regards to how we behave in relationships and starting over.

We all seek that connection & companionship despite our ambivalence. Why do the majority of humans like sleeping in the fetal position? its because that's how we were created, its what we know and for first 9 months of our lives, from the sperm to delivery that's how we come to be. Its familiar, it comforting and it provides a greater level of consciousness and connection to things we aren't aware of.

My journey to self awareness has brought me to today and hopefully by me exploring what's affected me it will help others. This is my chance to stop flinching.

When the universe wants your soul...

I've carefully and at times carelessly examined the last 2 years of my life. Interesting as it is, its been less than desirable to live. But I'm not here to complain, because the person that stands before you today is the result of trial and error, failure and acceptance, the notion of falling and picking ones self up..repeatedly. I've tried to not be so cliche but in my almost desperate attempts not to be I find that I am. For example, when you're life is almost taken away from you, you do everything in your power to hold onto what's left because in fact, you never know when it will end. You don't put off that vacation, you don't wish you would have gone skydiving and you dont wait for the man who caught your eye to muster up the courage and ask you out...you just do it because you've learned that you've got nothing to lose and you've already been on that train ride of "whats the worst that could happen" The last two years of my life has shaped who I will be for the rest of it and its quite alright in fact, just a head scratcher when I really think about it.


(Lykke Li "time flies" press play...)

I’ve been running and not the kind of running to which you’re pacing yourself from the outset, but an outright your ass is on fire sprint only stopping if you either (A) pass out (B) catch a cramp in your hammy or (C) both. The outright assault on my lungs and legs was born of running from my faults, my flaws, my fears, my failures, my inadequacies, myself and it took losing everything for me to understand everything. Then suddenly its as if that resistance and build up of denying and running, and trying to forget or pretend that nothing has ever phased me in life, just washes away and you stop, knocked on your ass forced to look at the three self portraits painted very clearly of you. One is who you are today, the second is who you will be if you keep running and the third, is the person you want to be if you just learn how to accept what is and not worry about trying to change the shitty events of your past.

Maybe in the revolution of my existence at the peak of it all you’re susceptible to everything. Maybe its just adulthood knocking on my door asking for rent since I haven’t paid, and despite my attempts to pretend that I’m not home the knocking becomes louder more incessant. Its knocking so dramatically and been saying that everything, mostly everything  (I’d like to think I got something right) I’ve been fucking up and its here to collect but not monetarily but emotionally, physically, mentally.. you name it it takes it and no amount of money, pleading or false promises can make it go away. Its telling you to confront what you've been hiding from because if you don't it will only get worse and you will not survive much longer. 


To change is to recognize and to recognize is to adapt and to adapt is the means of survival.

I don’t expect anyone to really understand the depths and recesses for which I’ve come out of, I just want those who care, to understand that I get it now. I’m human and have made many mistakes for which I have yet to atone for, but I believe that my heart, my intentions are bigger and greater than any mistake I have or will ever make.

So maybe its not the fact that the universe wants my soul, maybe the knocking was just a way to tell me, to wake the fuck up because everything that you've ever wanted in your life and for your life is right in front of you, that you have to just change your approach a bit because change is in fact survival.