Moment of clarity

"We are the products of scars, love, broken hearts, and failures. One day you wake up and accept what has passed, take the helm, and take control of what is to be. That is the day you become what you were meant to be."
- Jordan Mitchell

  

I woke up this morning with a great sense of clarity. The kind of clarity that I didn't realize I was searching for, its a moment that's hard to articulate. Its when all of the minds chatter ceases and you finally are in the present moment. The pictures are no longer black and white. Your mind is open, your senses are heightened and most of all you have a sense of direction. Not that this moment solved every problem that you've ever had but you'll know if you've been there.

This moment is different for everyone.

Have you ever truly connected with a person to where, their happiness was essential to your own. A relationship where you put the other persons needs before your own, and everything you did, you did for them, not because you had to but because it just was something you did. I think they call that love. Well if that is the case, when that feeling is no longer present most begin trying to substitute whats missing with whatever vice maybe convenient. For some is sex, for others its booze, drugs, work, friends, family, hobbies etc...

Its the human connection, its that connection they write fairy tales about. Its being so ingrained in the other persons being that without it, its empty and at times you feel lost and you begin searching within anything and everyone, so desperately trying to seek whats no longer. Most times you come up empty and other times you end up throwing in the towel, often migrating to what was once familiar.

The problem with this is that most of us who go through this process, never are what we once were or perhaps afraid of trying again. My friend Steve gave me this analogy, if every day you walk through a door and every time you walk through said door you get punched. Then all of a sudden, one day you walk through the door and you don't get punched, but you flinch because that's naturally your defense mechanism trying to protect itself. The same thing happens the next day and for many days thereafter, you walk thru the door and you don't get punched but you continue to flinch even if you know that there's a great chance you wont get punched. 

Now think about that in regards to how we behave in relationships and starting over.

We all seek that connection & companionship despite our ambivalence. Why do the majority of humans like sleeping in the fetal position? its because that's how we were created, its what we know and for first 9 months of our lives, from the sperm to delivery that's how we come to be. Its familiar, it comforting and it provides a greater level of consciousness and connection to things we aren't aware of.

My journey to self awareness has brought me to today and hopefully by me exploring what's affected me it will help others. This is my chance to stop flinching.